


high above the city lights (I can’t reach for the stars)

by Calumthoodshands (tndart)



Series: Cake Oneshots [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cake, Definitely hurt, Hurt, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Is this considered angst idk i wouldn’t say so, LITERALLY, Luke is a rich ass actor, M/M, Major Character death but it’s only mentioned not explicit, Smoking, You know what I mean, anyway, calum idk he does art ig, death only is mentioned it’s not explicit and not the point of it, fluff??, it was done in 4 hours, it’s just a bit sad, it’s more like the fluff/waste the night vibe, luke charms calum and the other way around, not a trip but a trip, sad cake, they go on a trip, they meet under uh different circumstances i’d say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 09:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30137133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tndart/pseuds/Calumthoodshands
Summary: Calum and Luke meet in the middle of the night, on the highest rooftop in the city that never sleeps, and it would turn into a night Calum would never forget.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood
Series: Cake Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2218065
Kudos: 4





	high above the city lights (I can’t reach for the stars)

It was more than months, rather years later that it dawned on Calum that Luke had probably known what he had been doing. That he’d known and had been consciously standing up there, on the highest rooftop, closest to the sky, furthest from the ground. It was in moments like this that he wished he would have had a chance to talk to him, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime moment they had shared, and he wouldn’t ever see Luke again, they came into each other’s lives for a brief moment — and parted when they could no longer stay together.  


  
The heavy door only slowly opened for Calum, and the chilly air of the night immediately made him rub his arms. He probably should’ve worn something thicker than the loose black shirt, or taken his jacket with him, but he only wanted a quick smoke anyway.

The rooftop was one of the highest in New York, and the view was thus as gorgeous and impressive as can be: thousands of buildings, millions of lights spread out around him, lighting up the night, keeping it awake.

The city that never sleeps, right?

He let the door fall shut and dug for his cigarette pack, fishing it out of his trousers while making his way to the balustrade. He shivered a little, but going back just to snatch his jacket would have been too much effort, so he managed.

The tall silhouette caught his eyes just when he had put a cigarette between his lips, making him pause mid-motion.

Something wasn’t right, he felt it, but it took a second look for him to fully understand what was happening.

“Hey man, what are you doing?”

He tried to say it softly, not wanting to startle the figure, who only slightly flinched at his words. Calum inched forward, cigarette pack still in hand, but removing his current one from his mouth with the other.

“You like an adrenaline junkie or something?”

Now, only a few feet away, could he really distinguish what was in front of him — a tall man, dressed in what seemed like quite an expensive suit, standing on the wall with his back to Calum.

“I guess you could say that,” the figure replied warily.

“Bit dangerous, don’t you think? So high up.”

“Probably.”

“Highest building around here, I think.”

“You're right.”

“Watch out then,” Calum said, now putting his cigarette back where it belonged and the pack back in his pocket. “You got a lighter?”

“No. I mean, yeah. I do.”

But the silhouette didn’t move. Calum raised an eyebrow. “Okay…? Can I get it then or do you want me to come up? I’m kinda scared of heights, to be honest, so I'd think you a bit rude for that, not gonna lie.”

He saw the shoulders of the guy sink, which he took for a good sign.

He waited, waited for the man to move and alas, finally, he actually slowly bent his knees, going down until he finally sat on the wall securely enough to turn around and get off safely. Calum pretended not to notice his hands shaking. He pretended his weren’t as well.

“There you go.”

The man now rummaged in his pockets until he finally drew out a lighter, offering it to Calum with a slightly shaking hand.

“Here.”

“Thank you,” Calum said, turning away a bit to shield the cigarette from the light breeze and thankfully drew on it when it finally lit up. The tension in his shoulders immediately eased. “You wanna?”

“No, thank you,” the guy said, only taking back the lighter from him. Then, after some hesitation: “Although, you know what, I’ve never tried one. Maybe this is the right time.”

“Sure, why not,” Calum agreed and extended his hand.

He eyed his vis-à-vis, who was even taller than him now that they were on the same level, and would probably be described as quite pretty by the general public. His hair was put back into a messy man-bun, but some loose curls still had found their way into his face, which was carved like that of a god — a small nose, a sharp jawline, cheekbones that became even more prominent when he drew on the cigarette with soft rose lips.

He coughed, surprisingly not as bad as usual newbies, and held out the cigarette, but Calum refused. “Keep it, I got more.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’m Calum.”

“Luke,” now-no-longer-unknown-guy said, extending his hand. “Luke Hemmings.”

Calum nodded slightly. “So what brought you up here? Tryna take some pictures?”

Luke looked at him dumbfounded. “What?”

“Your phone.” Calum gestured to the small device in Luke’s hand, making his opposite look down at it.

“Oh. Uh, yeah, sure. Great view from up here.”

Did he catch up on it? Luke wasn’t sure. He didn’t know this Calum-guy, he’s never seen him before, but at least he seemed chill. And the cigarette worked wonders on his nerves, he thankfully noticed.

Calum puffed smoke into the night air, making it leave swirling trails in the cold atmosphere. He eyed Luke’s outfit.

“So you from that party down there as well, huh?”

Oh. Luke had totally forgotten what he was wearing, and even more that there was a party somewhere beneath his feet. “Yeah, I am.”

“It sucks. I’ve been to better ones with less luxurious decorations.”

Calum’s expression was so determined and disappointed it made Luke chuckle.

“They are horrible indeed. You’re so right.” Finally, someone of the same opinion, maybe _now_ his assistant will listen to him. He had been trying to replace them with more contemporary art for a while now, after having moved in only half a year ago, but everyone always told him how ‘timeless and chic’ they were.

As if Luke cared about such things.

“At least the view’s nice from up here,” Calum continued. “I’d pay a lot for that if I had the money.”

“Well, it definitely has its price.”

Shit. Now it was out there.

Calum narrowed his eyes at him. “You live here?”

Trying to escape the interrogation, Luke turned away a bit. “Maybe.”

“And the party is probably yours as well, huh.”

Dammit.

His silence must've been enough of an answer, seeing as he heard Calum laugh out loud suddenly, leaning against the railing. “Hell, and here I am talking shit ‘bout your living room decorations. My apologies.”

“Don’t apologise, I agree, seriously. They’re horrible.”

Luke joined Calum, even if reluctantly, carefully putting his elbows on the railing. The ground seemed even further away from him now than minutes ago — the cars were so small, barely a light in a sea of traffic in the narrow street hundreds of feet below him. He swallowed hard.

“Kind of pathetic that I don't even know my guests,” he confessed after a while. “Have we met before?”

“I don’t think so. And don’t worry, people rarely remember me, it’s fine.”

The comment made Luke frown at Calum, who he definitely wouldn’t describe as easy-to-forget. Rather hard-to-forget, if he were being honest. His short, dark curls fitted his brown skin tone very well, and his eyes were dark and warm like mahogany, complemented by the stark eyebrows that gave his face a look of constant slight suspicion while also making you question what he was actually thinking about. He seemed hard to read, like someone who never really fully opened up.

“I find that hard to believe.”

Calum eyed him before letting out a dry chuckle. “Sure.”

If they met under different circumstances, his unapproachable vibe probably would’ve intimidated Luke enough to make him shut up, but now he almost felt comfortable with Calum, who snipped his burnt-out cigarette off the rooftop into the sea of light underneath them, watching as it fell.

Calmess radiated off him, yet Luke wondered why he was still here, talking to him. He didn’t feel very eye-leveled with him.

“You shouldn’t start.”

The statement made Luke return to reality. “What?”

“Smoking. You’re too pretty for that.”

“Too pretty,” Luke repeated in disbelief. “Are you for real?”

Calum looked at him, and something in his eyes told Luke that he was indeed quite serious. It sent a shiver down his spine and made him turn away.

“Shouldn’t you head back? I thought you had a party to host.”

“I don’t ‘host’ anything, Calum. It may be my name on it, but that’s it.”

“But it _is_ your birthday tomorrow.”

Luke finished his cigarette as well and snipped it as well before answering. “Yeah, so what?”

“Well,” Calum glanced at his watch, “shouldn’t you have fun the last hours before it's actually your birthday? Two hours left still.”

“Fun? Like what?”

“I don’t know man, how am I supposed to know what you consider fun?”

Okay, dumb question, admittedly. However, it made Luke think about what he actually wanted to do for the remainder of his birthday, because maybe Calum was right, he should be enjoying it, shouldn’t he?

“Well then. Are you up for something?”

It was probably the way he said it — all serious and a bit mischievous — that made Calum give in.

“Maybe I am.”

“You won’t regret it,” Luke said, nodding towards the exit. “Come on. This is gonna be the best night ever.”

Most people annoy Calum. _Especially_ if they were rich. So he struggled quite a bit with coming to terms with Luke charming him back and forth without even making any effort — as if it was only natural to like him, as if it was obvious that one should admire his soft curls, his glittering cheekbones.

“So what do you do for a living?” he asked him when they entered the elevator, pressing the very last button, _ground floor_. “I’m guessing you’re either business or music or some shit.”

“Close. Actor.”

“That explains why I’ve never seen you then,” Calum said, making Luke cross his arms, half confused, half amused.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t have a TV.”

Luke’s dumbfounded expression tickled a laugh out of Calum. “Stop gawking, dear lord.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say _you don’t watch TV?_ ”

“I did.”

“But you go to the movies.”

“Also nope.”

“You don’t go the — are you okay?! Do you not enjoy the simple pleasures of life?”

“I got music, I don’t need much more.”

His answer seemed to resonate with Luke, who let himself fall back against the wall, still irritated. “You’re really something else.”

The way he said that made Calum almost blush. Almost. But the smile he couldn’t stop from spreading on his face, so he lowered his head. “I guess.”

Luke wasn’t the first to say that, but he definitely was the first who meant it in an endearing way, which was new. Usually people thought him weird, strange. Someone you just kind of tolerated but didn’t necessarily want to know better. Luke didn’t tolerate him, he actually accepted him.

The elevator slowed down, and Calum was thankful to get out of the small room, as if the bigger distance between him and Luke would help his mazy thoughts.

He had only wanted to go for a smoke, escape the stuffy atmosphere of the ever the same high-society-party with too much champagne, too many opioids and too much spare money.

Now his mind was occupied with ways to avoid looking at Luke, which was especially hard insofar that he just looked magnificent in the dark suit pants and white tailored shirt, both which probably cost more than he made in a whole month.

“So where are we going?” he asked, a little curious as to why Luke led him to the back of the entrance hall and to a secluded staircase, taking the way down.

“Well, what’s usually underneath a hotel?” Luke asked when they reached the lower level, turning around to Calum and pulling something from his pocket:

Car keys.

“We’re going for a ride?” Calum guessed, confused as to what could be special about that.

“Not just any ride.”

Luke opened the heavy glass door with his room key, leading Calum into the underground garage and past several rows of cars until they arrived at the very last row that provided much bigger spaces for each vehicle.

Just when Calum had adapted to the ridiculous amount of money worth in cars in front of him, Luke pressed the key, and a burgundy oldtimer lit up, the only car not hyper modern and futuristic.

“That’s your car?” Calum managed, unable to hide his amazement and awe.

“All of ‘em are, actually.”

Luke said it so casually, as if that didn’t imply that he wasn’t just rich, he was _super-rich._ Like, ridiculously rich.

“Fuck me,” Calum remarked under his breath, following Luke to the aforementioned car. It was a beautiful burgundy, vintage Corvette Stingray, polished and shiny as if it was bought just yesterday.

“Come on, what are you waiting for?” Luke called, and Calum came closer, still hesitant to touch the vehicle.

“It doesn’t bite, you know.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m just — this is such an expensive car…”

“Get in or I’ll make you.”

Those last words were something Calum shouldn’t interpret, really shouldn’t, so he got over himself and opened the door to carefully sit down on the clean white seat.

It had a beautiful interior, the radio a little swooshing, but it only added to the vintage charme.

“Let’s go,” Luke mumbled, smiling almost unnoticeably and driving through the garage to the front gate and out into the buzzing nightlife of New York.

The streets were unusually scarcely frequented, making it a pleasantly continuous ride through the countless canyons in between the skyscrapers, fully lit fronts rushing past Calum, wind messing up his hair, pulling even more curls from Luke’s bun.

So many nights had been spent in this city’s heart, yet Calum seemed to experience it all through other eyes. He felt the buzzing energy, the energy of a city that bonded millions of people of all kinds living their day to day lives not ever knowing what life could be really like — and then suddenly the buildings parted, revealing the best view in the whole world: the Atlantic Ocean.

Endless black water reflecting the bright white moon, the only difference between sky and sea being the millions and millions of stars above.

It was magnificent.

“You like it?” Luke pensively asked, putting his arm on the back of their seats.

“It’s… amazing,” Calum mumbled, fully in awe of what he saw.

His eyes were locked with the sky, it was almost too much to take in, and impossible to ever count all the stars even if he had a thousand lifetime for it.

It was adorable yet beautiful how Calum was totally captured by the sight, when for Luke he was much more interesting than the sky he’s already seen so many times.

But he didn’t say anything when Calum held his hand out of the car, allowing the night air breeze over his skin.

It was strange how this right now was the best part of his whole birthday (or the night before if we're being meticulous) — just driving down the coast, phone shut off, wind in his hair… Calum next to him.

Why did it feel like he already knew him for much longer than just a lousy hour?

He took a left turn, leaving the Highway, and now the ocean was no longer in sight.

“Tell me where you’re taking me,” Calum begged, leaning his head against the headrest to look at Luke.

“It’s a surprise, Calum. Patience.”

“Fine.”

But Calum didn’t take his eyes off of Luke for the next few minutes, it was only when Luke’s lips formed a smile at the sight in front of him that Calum awoke from his trance and directed his attention towards the road ahead as well, which now on the last bit ran straight ahead and seemingly right into the ocean.

When they finally slowed down, they were almost directly on the beach. Luke parked the car next to where the road flew out into sand, forming a perfect transition, and they got out into the night.

The beach was empty as can be surprisingly, not a soul in sight, and the wind was cold and harsh on Calum’s bare arms.

“We probably should’ve brought jackets.”

Calum agreed and chuckled.

They made their way to water, slowly, picking up shells meanwhile, competing who could find the prettiest one.

“I think this is the one,” Calum eventually said, and the confident look on his face made Luke smile. And indeed, the shell Calum held out for him was incredibly beautiful, a soft shimmering beige with dark blue veins, smooth and carved by the tides.

“It’s stunning,” Luke replied, inspecting it closely.

“Keep it,” Calum mumbled, “it’s yours.”

He went on looking for shells, and Luke couldn't help but watch him. There was something peaceful in the way Calum slowly strolled along, as if he felt so secure and safe that he could free himself of any capturing thoughts and expectations.

He once again looked at the shell he was given and put in his pocket, not wanting to lose it.

“I doubt you’ll find a prettier one,” Luke called out to him from a short distance, making Calum turn around. Here, in the moonlight was Luke’s hair almost a platinum blond, his skin glowing.

“Why are you standing there?” he asked, “come here. There’s a small pier over there.”

Luke obeyed, and Calum waited for him to catch up. It was incredible what a calming effect Luke had on him — his mind came to a halt, his heart beated steadily and strong, his hands stopped shaking.

He was nervous yet relaxed at once, and he wasn't sure if he had ever felt something like it.

“There,” he repeated when Luke finally was by his side, and was shocked by how his stomach turned by the presence of the blond man next to him.

Couldn’t all parties have gone like this?

Honestly, it was almost unnecessary that Calum had called out for him. Luke felt as if being pulled to him by some kind of invisible string anyway, making it hard to stray too far from the man next to him.

And Calum was right, walking on the pier made it feel as if walking on water, and everywhere he looked were stars scattered on the firmament, lighting up the dark just like the moon above them.

Luke walked to the very end of the pier, letting the wind flow around him, the salt caress his skin, the moaning of the waves numbing his ears so deep he didn’t notice Calum coming up to him until he put his chin on Luke’s shoulder.

“Isn’t it crazy how there are billions of stars and how we’ll never be able to count them even close?” he murmured, his deep voice flowing through Luke’s veins.

“Isn’t it crazy how we’ll never reach them?” Luke replied, softly leaning his head against Calum’s and sinking into him.

“But we already did?”

Calum’s warmth disappeared, making Luke turn around.

“We’ll never reach the stars, Calum. We’re not meant to. We’re meant to stay on this earth, this damn planet, and live our lives pretending it has a deeper meaning we have to just find and then everything will fall into place, when it clearly won’t and we clearly can’t.”

“Who says life has meaning?”

The counter made Luke pause.

“Who says words have meaning? Who says actions have meaning?” Calum’s voice was barely audible now, deep as it was, but it wasn’t really necessary anymore for Calum to speak up for Luke to understand.

He just closed his eyes and his lips found Calum’s as if they had always been meant to find each other, had always been perfectly crafted to fit the others flawlessly.

Calum’s hand was cold on his cheek, and it had to be similar for Calum, but neither really cared, their bodies kept each other warm, they kept each other close.

The kiss was unexpected, yet it felt as if everything tonight had led to it, the way Calum had come up to the rooftop, making him get off the wall back to reality with no effort, offering him a cigarette, trusting Luke to follow him. What had been the cars far below them earlier tonight were now the stars being mirrored by the sea around them, only this time he was safe, safe in Calum’s hands, his presence washing out any doubt.

They parted, reluctantly, softly, and leant their foreheads against the other to catch their breath.

“What’s gonna happen after tonight, Luke?”

It was merely a whisper, and Luke couldn’t restrain himself from caressing Calum’s lips with his fingers before answering.

“Whatever we want to happen.”

This seemed a sufficient answer to Calum, whose lips broke into a tiny smile.

But unfortunately, their moment wasn’t allowed to last, the quiet ringtone of Luke’s phone interrupting what felt like a dream to them. Luke sighed and lowered his head.

Seriously? Now? Of all the chances this someone has had to call?

“Don’t take it.” Calum tried, but it was no help. Luke couldn’t afford not picking up.

He pulled out his phone and let go of Calum, walking past him and pressed the green button on the bright screen.

In hindsight, maybe this was the sign Calum dismissed. The sign that Luke would never be thoroughly free, thoroughly himself.

As soon as Calum heard a voice through the speaker, Luke’s shoulders tensed up, his voice changed.

“Yeah, what is it?”

Calum witnessed someone talk on the phone, but he really wasn't sure if it was Luke he saw, which creeped him out.

“No, I can’t right now, I — what?”

The change of tone sent a shiver down Calum’s spine.

“I can’t… no, okay. Yeah alright, I’m coming, I’m coming. I’m _coming,_ I said, yes, right now. No, don’t. Okay. Yes, see you later.”

Luke hung up, shoulders only slightly relaxing. He didn’t turn around.

“I need to go.”

“Why?”

“I can’t… I can’t tell you. But it’s urgent. We need to leave, now.”

This time he turned around to look at Calum, and the pleading look in his eyes made Calum a little sick. But of course he would obey. He would do many things if it kept Luke in this moment, but it wasn’t granted. Like so many other things weren’t ever granted in this world.

He sighed quietly but walked up to Luke, who started going back to his car before Calum even reached him.

It stung, he admitted, it was as if Luke had turned into someone else in the span of just a few minutes, and now this new, cold Luke was the one driving him home.

Neither said a word the whole ride, not when they crossed the bridge, not when they reached the first skyscrapers.

Calum named his address, and when the car eventually slowed down in front of the dark brick apartment complex, he had a hard time deciding whether to say something or just leave.

Maybe he should’ve said something. Should’ve told Luke that he wanted to meet him again, despite what had just happened. Should’ve looked at him and see the look in Luke’s eyes, the broken expression.

Instead, he looked down on his hands before opening the door and getting out.

He didn’t look back once.

  
  


The news got to him only days later, he was on his way to work grabbing a coffee and absentmindedly read the newspaper hung out on the racks. He probably wouldn’t even have taken a second look if the name didn’t sprung out.

**Luke Hemmings.**

A superstar, he now knew, a world star that had charmed everyone, living his best years, taking over the world only to have it all end in the span of a few careless moments where his hands didn't do what they were supposed to, his heart stopped, his breath paused.

He was drugged, it came out later.

He was drunk, people said.

Calum didn’t listen, he bought just one of the many newspapers telling the same story over and over again and read the article in one take. There wasn't much to say. He was gone in merely seconds after the crash, there was nothing that could’ve been done for him.

Calum felt like throwing up.

Later, years later, he would hear his name once more, in an article about the legacy he left behind, the achievements of his short but outstanding life, but Calum knew it was all but a big nothing.

Luke was right, he never did it. He never reached the stars, but he became one instead, everytime Calum looked up at the sky.

And like that, just as he was forgotten first by the media, then by the public, slipped Luke from his mind until there was nothing left of him but the image of the the way his hair had streamed and curled in the wind, his gaze fixed on the road in front of him, a smile on his lips, one hand on the steering wheel and driving into the night towards the dark ocean without a care in the world.

It was all Calum allowed himself to remember.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. <3  
> find me on tumblr: @calumthoodshands


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